Relationships
Single clichés translated

Single clichés translated

When you’re a single girl rapidly hurtling towards the big 3-0, your relationship status will be more enthusiastically dissected by well-meaning friends and strangers than British weather reports. As you sip champagne in your overpriced hat from Debenhams this wedding season, learn to spot the singleton clichés- and how to fight your corner.   What...
Do you think my arse is the size of a small country? (And other difficult questions.)

Do you think my arse is the size of a small country? (And other difficult questions.)

  Aside from a home highlighting ‘incident’ (of which we never speak), I’m reasonably low maintenance when it comes to getting ready. But for many of my girlfriends it’s a different story. From shoe choice enquiries to wondering whether that new dress makes them resemble a rare species of Walrus, I often wonder how their boyfriends...
Five ways to get dumped

Five ways to get dumped

There are so many variations of ‘I’m just not that into you’ it’s hard to keep track. From Kelis’ cut and dry screeches of ‘I hate you so much right now’ to the more sensitively articulated ‘I’m just not looking for a relationship,’ all clichés can be identically interpreted. The person delivering the message doesn’t fancy you....
The laws of attraction

The laws of attraction

Dating laws of attraction are a tricky conundrum to fathom. For some people potential mates are ten a penny, falling into their lap/phone book/intimate orifices every time they venture out for a casual Friday evening beverage. I envy these people. Not the myriad of exotic diseases a succession of casual bonking partners can result in,...
Five great things about being single

Five great things about being single

Despite not being in one for a considerable length of time, I have every faith that a good long term relationship is like one of those very expensive duvets from the White Company. Secure, comfortable and still kind of sexy if worn with nothing underneath. When the time is right, I think the whole she...
Online dating: How not to get a girl into bed

Online dating: How not to get a girl into bed

After slamming online dating for being the world’s least romantic way to meet men, I’ve decided to give it a go. Partly because it stands to reason that I should experience what I write about, but mostly because the alternatives seem to be dying alone,  accepting dating advice from my mother or listening to the...
How to decode his texts

How to decode his texts

  For every woman who’s ever agonised over the sub contextual meaning of their bonking partner/wannabe bonking partner’s emoticons, the internet overlords have created text message decoder HeTexted.com.  Yes. That happened. Like a game of ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’ for the residents of Loopchoopville, you can share your baffling man texts with the...
What a girl wants

What a girl wants

  Even if you’ve been blessed with fluttery eyelashes or tits that do that jiggly ‘running across a beach in Baywatch’ thing, it doesn’t necessarily make you the pinnacle of bonkability. Granted men tend to be rather visual creatures. Most would be more than happy to insert their precious little sausages into a girl wearing a...
Why we don’t want really honest men

Why we don’t want really honest men

After funny, smart and kind, ‘honest’ is pretty high up on my laminated list of Prince Charming credentials. Written in capitals for ADDED EFFECT, I’ve slotted it in with ‘must have all his own teeth’, ‘never uses the phrase ‘smash it’’ and ‘doesn’t watch Sky Sports during sexy time’. But like any good quality in...
Top 5 dating peeves

Top 5 dating peeves

Between human oddities, awkward silences and mind numbing conversations, the dating scene has a lot to answer for. Whilst I can happily accommodate unusual quirks, misshapen noses or a spot of premature baldness, there’s some things that just piss a girl off. Here’s my top five dating peeves. Excessive texting At first it’s a welcome...
Long Distance Love (and not losing your mind)

Long Distance Love (and not losing your mind)

  I regularly have far fetched romantic fantasies about long distances love affairs with charming princes from foreign lands. (There’s often an NYC apartment and a unicorn involved.) But is the reality all it’s cracked up to be? Guest blogger Sophie tells it like it is. How to Long Distance Love and Not Lose Your...
Can you ever excuse infidelity?

Can you ever excuse infidelity?

Maybe it’s because I’m the world’s least effective liar. Maybe it’s because I’m more loyal than one of those sad little puppy dogs you see on Pet Rescue. Whatever the reason I just don’t *get* cheating. And whilst you can ‘never say never’, I’m reasonably confident in my ability to keep the foofy in its...
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