Author Archive

The empathy expiration date

Empathy’s a funny old thing. When it comes to three-legged kittens and fake cancer posts, the Brits dish it out by the bucketload. But while a sad-faced, one-eyed donkey pleading for human saviours can generate 14 million Facebook shares, it’s a different story for poverty-stricken migrants. “HE’S NOT 14!” A Daily Mail reader screeched into the...
Five reasons to love Richmond  

Five reasons to love Richmond  

It’s as aesthetically appealing as solidified dog sick, but when it comes to hipster cool points, Hackney has them in bucketloads. Crowned by the media as London’s most talked about district, edgy pop-ups are emerging faster than professional lifestyle consultants can wipe the coke crystals from their nose on a Monday morning. It’s not that...

Marriage. How old is too old?

It’s been a politically charged week to say the least. The Tories are revelling in their victory, promising to abolish The Human Rights Act, reintroduce entertaining methods of animal cruelty and stop those scrounging disabled bastards from leeching the salaries of Eton-educated self-made millionaires. The increasingly anguished left have taken to Twitter in umbrage, as though...
Dubai's first Spartan

Dubai’s first Spartan

As someone who usually spends weekends consuming vast quantities of cheese-filled baked goods, I’m not sure what possessed me to join in the UAE’s first Spartan race challenge. Let’s call it peer pressure, or a temporary moment of madness. It started with training sessions two weeks ago, where hulking great tanks of Schwarzenegger-muscle completed squats...
Why ‘This Girl Can’ is the best advert in sporting history

Why ‘This Girl Can’ is the best advert in sporting history

Sporting advertisements don’t generally fill me with joy. Fronted by swishy-haired, ab-crunching, green-smoothie-drinking treadmill unicorns, they serve no other purpose than to make me feel as useless as I did on school sports day. I am no athlete. If anything I’m the opposite of an athlete: Skinny, squishy, nesh and all too happy to sacrifice...
Sri Lanka: Elephants, turmeric and coconut spas

Sri Lanka: Elephants, turmeric and coconut spas

“What if I fall off?” “You won’t fall off.” “They said the same thing about the Segway and I ended up headfirst in a bin next to a crowd of Japanese tourists.” I use this story as an example of my ability to attract catastrophe, because prior to this epic fall, only George Bush and...
The worst date ever

The worst date ever

  Most dates are a banal sort of affair. A bland Starbucks-fuelled chat between two people who find each other moderately pleasant and moderately attractive. Occasionally you get lovely dates, which involve laughing, a shared penchant for melted cheese and full-frontal snogging. And finally, there’s the weird. I always thought my handcrafted ‘worst date of...

How justice failed Reeva

Oscar Pistorious killed his girlfriend. Except he didn’t just kill ‘his girlfriend’, did he? He killed Reeva Steenkamp, an independent, successful woman, whose name barely gets a passing mention in the articles concerning her death. Reeva was a South African model who supported her family through her career. She took part in awareness campaigns on...
Hook up fails: When flirting goes wrong

Hook up fails: When flirting goes wrong

Between Tinder, Facebook and the rampant hedonism Dubai exudes, it’s never been easier to get a date. Flirting is a second language to this city’s men, most of whom are fluent in the art of sweet nothings and puppy dog eyes. But even the most silver-tongued Casanova doesn’t always get it right. Here’s a list...
Fitness challenge: The gym alternatives

Fitness challenge: The gym alternatives

Sport was never my forte at school. Blessed with the coordination and physical prowess of a club-footed, Quaalude-stuffed donkey, I have difficulty getting my car out of the drive without sustaining injuries to myself or immediate surroundings.Combine this with an extreme dislike of ritual humiliation, cold weather and being told what to do, and it’s...
Tinder: Dubai style

Tinder: Dubai style

The love child of disposable consumer culture and front-facing phone cameras, Tinder has become one of the most popular dating apps across the world. With more than 10 million active daily users, creators have even introduced a threesome version, for those who felt that the ‘hot or not’ casual sex application wasn’t romantic enough. Although...
The Big US Road Trip: Tennessee

The Big US Road Trip: Tennessee

Gatlinburg Tennessee is a tiny holiday town full of fake moonshine, gun shops, plastic tourist toot and more refined sugar than I’ve ever seen before in a square mile radius. It’s also one of the gateways to the Smoky Mountains National Park. (That’s Dolly Parton’s homeland y’all.) Though we’d initially planned to go whitewater rafting,...
bloglovin

Tweetie Sweetie