wrapped gift

Show me the presents!

I regularly have far fetched romantic fantasies about long distances love affairs with charming princes from foreign lands. (There’s often an NYC apartment and a unicorn involved.) But is the reality all it’s cracked up to be? Guest blogger Sophie tells it like it is.

How to Long Distance Love and Not Lose Your Mind

Most folks completely write-off the idea of a long distance relationship and admittedly I’m a former culprit. The mere idea of romancing somebody miles away from you seems utterly absurd to even consider. But like they say “you can’t choose who you fall in love with” and sometimes ‘who’ happens to be a soldier stationed in Germany. Although, contrary to popular belief, long distance is not never-ending torture but it does require patience, understanding and trust (hence why I’m oblivious as to how it works for me!) And while it may not be your typical joint-at-the-lips love affair, it’s not all bad.

Here are some downsides to loving from afar and their more positive counterparts:

The Con: Obviously distance is the big bitch in this situation. Most couples experience separation at some point but unfortunately for us its duration is undetermined because of his damn job *quietly seethes*. While it’s not a walk in the park, like back pain, you learn to live with it.

NB: Bite your tongue when friends complain about having not seen their other half for a few days. And when they start moaning about how difficult LDL (Long Distance Love) is when their partner only lives in the next town. Try to refrain from screaming at said friend.

The Pro: He might not be able to take me out for a weekly date night but being abroad means he can purchase duty-free perfume whenever I’m running low on Nina Ricci. On a more serious, less vain note, it also means that when we’re ‘reunited’ after donkey’s years we won’t be bickering about him not putting the toilet seat down. Instead we’ll just be ecstatic to be using the same facilities. You’ll appreciate the company on their return but might have to grin and bear it when the annoying habits you wouldn’t usually witness do your brain in. Just take a deep breath, you love this dude, remember?

The Con: As well as being hard for one’s sanity, it’s not too kind on your purse either. I’m a stereotypically poor student and so have unfortunately only managed one, albeit weeklong, visit to him in a year. While normal couples pretend to argue over who pays the bill in a restaurant, we’re left complaining about flight costs and overseas network charges.

The Pro: While I’m almost always practically penniless his job means he gets a steady salary to spend on all the perks of LDL like surprise arrivals of bouquets of flowers – something which totes up serious brownie points for his next arrival home.  And the price of a stamp won’t break the bank so a bit of old fashioned handwritten mushiness arriving on the doormat doesn’t go amiss. Well, unless he doesn’t reply.

The Con: I’ll just go ahead and come out with it – going months without nookie. We’re only human after all and hell, we all have needs! Intimacy is important in any relationship and deprivation can cause many a foul and understandably frustrated mood.

The Pro: While you’re regrettably not in touching distance, phone sex (or ‘sexting’ if you’re shy) is your friend. And there’s always Skype if you’re feeling particularly adventurous. Why else were webcams invented?! Just make sure you don’t end up video-calling a relative by mistake – explaining to Grandma why you’re topless at the computer could be a tad embarrassing. Obviously then you can take a trip to Ann Summers prior to his return home and slap a big ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign on the bedroom door while you make like pubescent teenagers.

You can follow Sophie on Twitter or check out her blog here.