Whatever happened to man gardens?

Whatever happened to man gardens?

I’m pretty sure the word ‘Brazilian’ was where it all started going wrong for our poor little fannies. As if naming a wax job after a country full of permanently bronzed sex gods would make us forget the pain, anguish and emotional trauma of having our foofs stripped barer than...
Online dating survival guide

Online dating survival guide

If you thought the development of technology was going to make your quest for love easier, think again. Complicating communication rituals and blurring the lines for acceptable forms of dumping (text? Facebook? Silence followed by a passive aggressive tweet?), it’s not all a bed of digital rose emojis. When you...
The no bullshit guide to anti-ageing

The no bullshit guide to anti-ageing

Cranberry goo? In your teens you spend every Friday night caking make up on your face in a desperate attempt to look old enough to be legally served alcopops. Then suddenly your late twenties hit and it’s a downward spiral into three day hangovers and the murky underworld of overpriced...
Types of online daters

Types of online daters

Free dating sites aren’t exactly conducive to finding a lifelong partner. But ever since you started having to pay 30p for a wee at the train station, love is basically the only good thing about life that remains free. For that reason, I’m mildly reluctant to splurge the £30 a...
Top 5 beauty treatments to avoid

Top 5 beauty treatments to avoid

In the 90s, beautification mostly revolved around green hair mascara and collecting as many Rimmel products as a £3.50 an hour Saturday job would allow. Convinced our teenage heartthrobs would be instantly smitten by our Rachel hairstyles and lilac nail varnish, we would saunter out of the changing rooms in...
What not to do at a wedding

What not to do at a wedding

After a year preparing for my best friend’s wedding, I’ve been on a (somewhat inevitable) anticlimax since the main event. (PWD? Google it. Pretty sure it’s an actual medical thing.) I love a good wedding. From the weepy bit in church (it’s like seven episodes of Pet Rescue rolled into...
Single clichés translated

Single clichés translated

When you’re a single girl rapidly hurtling towards the big 3-0, your relationship status will be more enthusiastically dissected by well-meaning friends and strangers than British weather reports. As you sip champagne in your overpriced hat from Debenhams this wedding season, learn to spot the singleton clichés- and how to...
Five ways to get dumped

Five ways to get dumped

There are so many variations of ‘I’m just not that into you’ it’s hard to keep track. From Kelis’ cut and dry screeches of ‘I hate you so much right now’ to the more sensitively articulated ‘I’m just not looking for a relationship,’ all clichés can be identically interpreted. The...
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30 Before 30

30 Before 30

Earlier this year a lovely Twitter friend of mine Hannah Berry (@sitemanagergal) died from cancer. Although I’d never met her in person, I found her energy, positivity and sense of humour incredibly inspiring. She was only 30 years old when she passed away, which (for lack of more eloquent wording), is totally fucking shit. As...
How British are you?

How British are you?

Contrary to the barely literate mumblings of the EDL, becoming a fully-fledged member of the British public isn’t as simple as getting bladdered in a Union Jack mini dress. Aside from passports, documents, visas and employment certificates, there’s the tricky little badger of the UK citizenship test to pass. Having tried (and failed) to answer...
Do you think my arse is the size of a small country? (And other difficult questions.)

Do you think my arse is the size of a small country? (And other difficult questions.)

  Aside from a home highlighting ‘incident’ (of which we never speak), I’m reasonably low maintenance when it comes to getting ready. But for many of my girlfriends it’s a different story. From shoe choice enquiries to wondering whether that new dress makes them resemble a rare species of Walrus, I often wonder how their boyfriends...
How to look good on Facebook

How to look good on Facebook

A narcissist’s wet dream, Facebook has become the ultimate platform for pretending you’re having much more fun than you really are. So, with an endless stream of instagrammed excursions being gleefully swallowed by the great and powerful internet, how do you ensure you look like, rilly rilly good in your profile? After seeing one little...
The great bra fitting fiasco

The great bra fitting fiasco

Previously I have discussed the many complexities of underwear shopping. First there’s the teensy knickers that leave your bottom looking like two enraged sows simultaneously trying to escape through a cat flap. Then there’s the issue of suspenders. (When to admit you don’t really understand how they work and at what point to ask what...
You got the love

You got the love

Social media is awash with female self-hatred. Lurking amidst the instagram accounts of pouting concave stomached ‘look at me’ types, there’s a million tales of woe from the low self-esteem crew. Thighs carrying some post Easter egg extravaganza wobble? Boobs too titchy? The internet overlords (of which I believe there are several) must be turning heads...
The laws of attraction

The laws of attraction

Dating laws of attraction are a tricky conundrum to fathom. For some people potential mates are ten a penny, falling into their lap/phone book/intimate orifices every time they venture out for a casual Friday evening beverage. I envy these people. Not the myriad of exotic diseases a succession of casual bonking partners can result in,...
When fashion goes wrong

When fashion goes wrong

I love shopping. I love dressing up in a brand new dress that makes your bum look like two softly boiled peaches having a cuddle. And I love galloping merrily towards the nearest bar to ruin it all with cocktails and debauchery. But the more magazines I read, the more I realise high fashion is...
Homemade fish and chips with pea and lemon mayonnaise

Homemade fish and chips with pea and lemon mayonnaise

Fish and chips must be one of the most glorious dishes on the English menu. Dripping in salt and fat like congestive heart failure on a plate, it’s one of the few take aways that requires a coronary stent after consumption. Whilst I have serious passion for the occasional battered treat (not a euphemism), recently...
ME Hotel: January cheer

ME Hotel: January cheer

January is the worst month of year. After a drunken chorus of Auld Lang Syne when the clock chimes midnight on the 1st, we’ve all slumped into a doom filled cloud of misery by the 3rd. Lying in a pile of discarded diet menus and Christmas credit card bills it’s hard not to feel  that...
Five great things about being single

Five great things about being single

Despite not being in one for a considerable length of time, I have every faith that a good long term relationship is like one of those very expensive duvets from the White Company. Secure, comfortable and still kind of sexy if worn with nothing underneath. When the time is right, I think the whole she...
New Year’s resolutions not to make

New Year’s resolutions not to make

It is my firm belief that nobody in the history of the world has ever visited a gym they joined as a New Year’s resolution. Packed with sweaty bodied angry folk feigning exercise enjoyment whilst secretly calculating how many pies they can scoff later, everyone knows they are protein shake selling temples of doom. Yet come...
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