The Cheese Bar

The Cheese Bar

It’s finally happened. A cheese bar has opened in London. I think on some level, I always knew something wonderful would happen in my life. When you spend this long chasing unicorns, eventually one will come cantering to your doorstep and fulfil your wildest fantasies. (I’m surprised my unicorn rocked...
Dinner at Plot

Dinner at Plot

I used to think Tooting was the graveyard of Zone 3, a place where 22-year-old Corbyn supporters rent six-bedroom houses with their mates and drink beer out of shoes. But like all the once-grotty-now-edgy parts of London, it’s becoming gentrified with posh pubs and achingly trendy eating spots, all sandwiched...
Brunch at The Lighterman

Brunch at The Lighterman

Abominable snowman. The clue’s in the name really. Not abominable sandman, or abominable strawman, or abominable man sitting happily in the sunshine with a Corona and lime. The name of this feared, yeti-like creature was inspired by snow. The single worst climate creation that Mother Nature has ever bestowed upon...
Recipe: Chilli pizza eggs

Recipe: Chilli pizza eggs

I have a new obsession. Bigger than my addiction to trawling the internet for holidays I can’t afford. Bigger than my teenage love affair with the half-drowned Leo in Titanic. Even bigger than my obsession with shouting things at people on Twitter who think the whole Donald Trump thing was...
Fitness challenge: The gym alternatives

Fitness challenge: The gym alternatives

Sport was never my forte at school. Blessed with the coordination and physical prowess of a club-footed, Quaalude-stuffed donkey, I have difficulty getting my car out of the drive without sustaining injuries to myself or immediate surroundings.Combine this with an extreme dislike of ritual humiliation, cold weather and being told...
The Big US Road Trip: Georgia

The Big US Road Trip: Georgia

Apparently Savannah is the most haunted town in America. But whilst it was definitely one of my favourite road trip spots on the tour, I can’t say it filled me with the major spooks. After arriving at 2pm, we spent an afternoon pottering round the hot and sweaty streets of...
The Big US Road Trip: NOLA Part 2

The Big US Road Trip: NOLA Part 2

The more times I turn 21, the more difficult the morning after becomes. Luckily New Orleans is well-equipped to deal with hangovers. Not wanting to miss out on the local cuisine, we went to SoBou, another Trip Advisor recommended spot in the French Quarter. Despite the whackadoodles who often frequent those review...
The Big US Road Trip: New Orleans (Part 1)

The Big US Road Trip: New Orleans (Part 1)

New Orleans wasn’t the next stop on our tour. But the American guy I’m currently dating (who claims to be from New Orleans but is actually from a much crappier town five hours down the road) has requested that I bump it up the blogging queue before he leaves Dubai...
Latest entries

How Tara Palmer-Tomkinson defined the 90s

  The original ‘IT girl’, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson was the poster-child for the wild debauchery of the 1990s. Tanned, toned and sporting shoes that cost more than the average mortal’s monthly salary, she encapsulated my fantasies of adult hedonism like no other. Splashed across the tabloids on a weekly basis, she became almost as high-profile as...

The empathy expiration date

Empathy’s a funny old thing. When it comes to three-legged kittens and fake cancer posts, the Brits dish it out by the bucketload. But while a sad-faced, one-eyed donkey pleading for human saviours can generate 14 million Facebook shares, it’s a different story for poverty-stricken migrants. “HE’S NOT 14!” A Daily Mail reader screeched into the...
Five reasons to love Richmond  

Five reasons to love Richmond  

It’s as aesthetically appealing as solidified dog sick, but when it comes to hipster cool points, Hackney has them in bucketloads. Crowned by the media as London’s most talked about district, edgy pop-ups are emerging faster than professional lifestyle consultants can wipe the coke crystals from their nose on a Monday morning. It’s not that...

Marriage. How old is too old?

It’s been a politically charged week to say the least. The Tories are revelling in their victory, promising to abolish The Human Rights Act, reintroduce entertaining methods of animal cruelty and stop those scrounging disabled bastards from leeching the salaries of Eton-educated self-made millionaires. The increasingly anguished left have taken to Twitter in umbrage, as though...
Dubai's first Spartan

Dubai’s first Spartan

As someone who usually spends weekends consuming vast quantities of cheese-filled baked goods, I’m not sure what possessed me to join in the UAE’s first Spartan race challenge. Let’s call it peer pressure, or a temporary moment of madness. It started with training sessions two weeks ago, where hulking great tanks of Schwarzenegger-muscle completed squats...
Why ‘This Girl Can’ is the best advert in sporting history

Why ‘This Girl Can’ is the best advert in sporting history

Sporting advertisements don’t generally fill me with joy. Fronted by swishy-haired, ab-crunching, green-smoothie-drinking treadmill unicorns, they serve no other purpose than to make me feel as useless as I did on school sports day. I am no athlete. If anything I’m the opposite of an athlete: Skinny, squishy, nesh and all too happy to sacrifice...
Sri Lanka: Elephants, turmeric and coconut spas

Sri Lanka: Elephants, turmeric and coconut spas

“What if I fall off?” “You won’t fall off.” “They said the same thing about the Segway and I ended up headfirst in a bin next to a crowd of Japanese tourists.” I use this story as an example of my ability to attract catastrophe, because prior to this epic fall, only George Bush and...

How justice failed Reeva

Oscar Pistorious killed his girlfriend. Except he didn’t just kill ‘his girlfriend’, did he? He killed Reeva Steenkamp, an independent, successful woman, whose name barely gets a passing mention in the articles concerning her death. Reeva was a South African model who supported her family through her career. She took part in awareness campaigns on...
Homemade fish and chips with pea and lemon mayonnaise

Homemade fish and chips with pea and lemon mayonnaise

Fish and chips must be one of the most glorious dishes on the English menu. Dripping in salt and fat like congestive heart failure on a plate, it’s one of the few take aways that requires a coronary stent after consumption. Whilst I have serious passion for the occasional battered treat (not a euphemism), recently...
ME Hotel: January cheer

ME Hotel: January cheer

January is the worst month of year. After a drunken chorus of Auld Lang Syne when the clock chimes midnight on the 1st, we’ve all slumped into a doom filled cloud of misery by the 3rd. Lying in a pile of discarded diet menus and Christmas credit card bills it’s hard not to feel  that...
Porto: The wine valley

Porto: The wine valley

Jesus’ ability to turn water into wine probably explains why he had more followers than Stephen Fry. If he was on Twitter today there’d be a crowd of city girls forming Belieber inspired fan groups in a bid to get their grubby paws on some of his budget cocktail recipes. Sadly I’ve never found a...
Cheesy courgette and aubergine chips

Cheesy courgette and aubergine chips

One of the most difficult things about cooking (apart from clearing up the catastrophic mess that trails in my wake) is maintaining variety. Given the choice, I’d happily eat mashed potatoes with every meal. Like clouds of salty, buttery fluff on a plate they can pretty much be teamed with any food in the universe....
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